Fiasco

During a dream I dreamt recently, I was busting the most peculiar hang, a solo hang, with Will Forte.  (If you don’t know who Will Forte is you need to look it up because I am not going to tell you.)  It was his birthday and I was there to show him that at least I cared (remembered).   He was opening gifts that were sent, I’m guessing, from family members and such.  One of said gifts was a dartboard.  Will informed me that he already had a dartboard and had no use for a second one.  “What am I going to do with two Dartboards?”, he asked.  Trying to be as helpful as possible, I told him we could have a DoubleDartDay.  Much to my surprise he did not kick me out after this comment.  His interest was most definitely piqued and he smiled a little at the suggestion.  Unfortunately I could not provide him with any explanation of what DoubleDartDay was or how exactly such an event would go down.  But we were on to somethin’…

At one point, I recall looking through his collection of movies.  I stopped on a movie titled ‘Fiasco’, starring Keanu Reeves and Jim Carey.  I looked at him, and before I could even ask, he had that Forte smile on his face, and he was holding not one, but two thumbs up…

I gotta get my hands on a copy of this flick..

(Its good to finally be back at ‘Grits’.  Although, I did have a little trouble finding the place.)

Oh, you mean Jeff.

Yeah we like to call him Jeff.

Master Middimum

I was thinking today. A little too much I would say.  There were a few things I brought to my attention.

1. I have nothing.
2. I want nothing.
3. I am nothing.
4. I need nothing.
5. I.HAVE.NOTHING.

It’s survival at this point.

(Having nothing to do with becoming overly content with having nothing)

I yelled at Hank (lil’ kitty) for misbehaving.  He straightened up and got his act together so fast I was kind of curious.  Imagine you are in a mall.  Say the mall is in…Columbia, Missouri.  You bump into a mother yelling at her 6 year old daughter (who was doing nothing but being a lil’ kiddy)  for acting very “unchristian-like”. What? Huh? @&#*!  That poor little girl straightened up so fast I was insanely furious.  When I yelled at that lil’ kitty, he straightened up just like that little kiddy.  IT.WAS.WEIRD.

Can I get in trouble for this?

Oh god. Don’t look now. Keon has returned.

And he has a few things he would like to say:

Keon….

[WARNING WARNING]

KEON THINKS THAT THIS SHIT IS LIKE A DICE GAME U JUST GOTTA ROLE EM RIGHT!!!!!!!

(I’m listening…what else Keon?)

Keon asks: Do u really say wats really on ya mind about me real talk!!!!

(hmmm…uh huh)

Keon IS SAYING SOME TIMES U NOT WANTED NO MATTER HOW MUCH U WANT TO BE SO U GOTTA FIND THAT ONE FOR U!!!!!!!!!

(uh huh uh huh)

Keon IS SAYING WAT THE FUCK I DO NOW SHIT IS CRAZY I CAN’T WIN FOR SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

(totally understandable)

.    .    .    .

(I hope that when he sees this (even possible?), he understands that I was juss playin‘)

twentysomething

Today is the worst day of the year.  After you approach the 21 mark, things start to digress, exponentially.  It sucks that there is no light at the end of this long, dark, obstacle of a tunnel.

The birthday wishes were great, sure.  Ain’t it strange how most of them come from people you haven’t seen in ages or people that you don’t even respect (wink).  It’s an eye-opening experience to see who has the balls to send those glorious birthday wishes.

“How are you going to celebrate” seems to be one that gets asked a lot.  Celebrate?  I am too old to celebrate.  I was too old to celebrate when I turned 16.   How old am I really?

Oh gAWd…

Now I know what my boy Busfield was going through. Twenty (something) is the new Thirty (something).

..is ‘umm good?

In a celebratory response to that heavenly win for my Missouri Tigers, Hoops, her boyfriend Scoops, and I decided to take it up to the Record bar to meet up with Konay Stone and Chalk-oh-Lot Dunkers.

(I didn’t think that I would have enough energy for another hang, due to the fact that I exerted most of it yelling at Leo Lyons and accusing him of being too “silly” when it’s time to get ta business.)

A Big Birdie informed us that there was a cover at The Record Bar. Any other night, Marbles and Team Oops would have responded to that with a “no thank you…” and a “please”, but somethin’ had us feelin’ fine…

$7 BUCKS?!!?

I had zero dollars on me so Team Oops stepped up and pulled their boy out of a jam. First round o’ drinks…ON ME (equal to or less than the value of said cover charge).

But this is where things got h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s…

7(dollars) times 3(people) would give us what? A total of $21. Right? (Oh I failed to mention this earlier, but Scoops was feelin’ really really really fine. ) Hoops had a twenty-spot and Scoops had a ten. There was some chatter back and forth between Team Oops, none of which I could understand or even hear for that matter. I did notice Hoops burrowing through her purse. And this went on long enough for the one-eyed door guy to start getting suspicious and judgmental. Then Scoops grabs Hoops’ twenty-spot, and the four quarters she collected from her purse. (We were gettin’ in this bar…no matter the cost.) Scoops then puts all of the money down in front of the door guy, and he goes, in that stupidly hilarious voice, with the stupid Scoops face, he says… “are (is) we (‘umm)  good?”

The door guy stares up at Scoops with his one good eye, which was his right eye I think. The patch was covering the left. Which means, in order to look at this intoxicated fart who just gave him too much money and who was also standing to his (the door guy’s) left, he (door guy again) had to shift his entire (fat) body around just to get his disrespectful glances in.

I giggled (noticeably),  grabbed the ten dollar bill, handed it to Scoops,  got stamped,  and headed into The Record Bar…

I was almost embarrassed.

“Commit……NOW!!?!”

First post of  ‘09.  And you bet your arse it could very well be the laaaaaasssst. Juss playin’…

Somehow, I began to lose motivation, as far as ‘Grits’ goes.  I don’t know why, but I did.  Still not motivated really.  I mean, en route to begin the posting of this new post, I was denied entry, like three (or more) times.  I couldn’t remember my password.  Yikes.  My hiatus, I cannot apologize for.   I have been working entirely too much.  I need to make a solid commitment to ‘Grits’.  My schedule is pretty set, at this point, so I am almost certain (about 16 percent) when I say that I am bouts ta squeeze in a few more servings of grits.*

*This might not be entirely true.