Plane Ol’ Pittsburgh

Where do I begin?

….Imagine getting up at 5 in the a.m. And imagine that you are doing so because you have a flight to catch.  You get your boardin’ pass, you strip, get searched, have the dogs called in on you, get searched one-mo-gin,  and then in a flash,you arrive at your gate.  Now you are just watching those seconds roll on by before you hop on this aeroplane…and before you know it, you are in seat 9c (aisle please), ….(you were asked to move because at first you were sitting in someone else’s seat 9B)…

(Here comes the pain)

1. The stewardess has informed the passengers that the plane is “overweight”.  Has this ever happened before? To anybody? Ever? Four of your fellow passengers have to leave the plane.  In exchange they do receive a $400 voucher, but please…it’s annoying.  {ATTENTION AIRLINES –ATTENTION AIRLINES:Stop over-booking flights.  The words ’sold’ and ‘out ‘(together and in that order) make perfect sense in this situation.  When you run out of seats–game over. Stop selling seats that you don’t have to sell} (Dass it)
2. But dass not really it….after being in the air for about 45 minutes, the captain informs the passengers that one of the planes’ “generators” stopped working.  (Are you imagining all of this?) How terrifying…So now the plane is en route to a lil place  called Pittsburgh. Landed it. That’s right. The plane landed in Pittsburgh.
3. Some airline dousche then informs the passengers that they are to be deplaned, sent up to the terminal, and rebooked.  This has “I am not getting out of Pittsburgh tonight, am I?” written all over it.  The rebooking process is a nightmare.  You end up standing in line for almost two hours to find out that another plane will be sent from Cincy (at some point) and that it will be a direct connect home.  For your troubles you are to receive a $200 voucher and a $7 meal voucher.  This, of course, doesn’t fully satisfy you.  Justice has not yet been served son.  But…really…dass it.  You can’t do anything about it. Just, just take it.
4. You clocked in (in Pittsburgh) at about 9a.m (est).  This will be the most miserable shift you’ll ever put in.  You are overwhelmingly enraged.  You want to yell at someone but you can’t.  You want to strangle one of the airline dousches–but you can’t.  You just can’t.  The plane has finally left Cincy (Cincinnati)* and will arrive at a decent enough time to get you home around (let’s say) 3:30p.m. (cst). You clock out (of Pittsburgh) at 1:55p.m. (est).
5. These are your friends now (you know that right?).  You have wasted away in the airport of Pittsburgh all day ( oh my goodness).  You spent the day together threatening to shoot people and wanting to blow some/anything up, mocking the airline douschebaggery. You’re a family now.  It’s almost over and you realize just how much you’re going to miss the new fam.
6. Kansas City. Home. You wait for your cab (gonna be pa-pa-pa-paH-ricccaayy), and as you wait, you see all of the friends hailing their respective cabs, one by one, exiting your life.  It was a long, long,long, long, day spent with a gang of pissed off people (who you will never see again).

But don’t fret, they’ll remember you. And hey, it could have been a lot worse….

Now you take all of that…

and imagine that you were me…

dat is all..(Did I say it right?)

*I know how to spell it

Jive Turkey

One word…humbug (I’m kind of serious).

Currently watching Jimmy Fallon embarrass himself at The Thanksgiving Day parade. Humiliating for everyone like me. I’m sure there are many that are thankful that there aren’t too many of those. I owe WordPress of bit of gratitude. I forgot my password (again) due to my infrequent helpings of grits. WordPress got me out of a jam, and for that, I am very thankful. This parade is awkward. Initiating ChannelChange sequence….

Still on the parade.

I want to apologize to everyone for not being around. You hear me? Although, I did say in my intro that it would take me some time to really get things rolling so…

Apology rescinded (Sorry).

Eat up.

I wanna say Happy Thanksgiving but no thanks please…

Fiasco

During a dream I dreamt recently, I was busting the most peculiar hang, a solo hang, with Will Forte.  (If you don’t know who Will Forte is you need to look it up because I am not going to tell you.)  It was his birthday and I was there to show him that at least I cared (remembered).   He was opening gifts that were sent, I’m guessing, from family members and such.  One of said gifts was a dartboard.  Will informed me that he already had a dartboard and had no use for a second one.  “What am I going to do with two Dartboards?”, he asked.  Trying to be as helpful as possible, I told him we could have a DoubleDartDay.  Much to my surprise he did not kick me out after this comment.  His interest was most definitely piqued and he smiled a little at the suggestion.  Unfortunately I could not provide him with any explanation of what DoubleDartDay was or how exactly such an event would go down.  But we were on to somethin’…

At one point, I recall looking through his collection of movies.  I stopped on a movie titled ‘Fiasco’, starring Keanu Reeves and Jim Carey.  I looked at him, and before I could even ask, he had that Forte smile on his face, and he was holding not one, but two thumbs up…

I gotta get my hands on a copy of this flick..

(Its good to finally be back at ‘Grits’.  Although, I did have a little trouble finding the place.)