Say Uncle…

 

They look just like their mama, and grandmama.

Say hello to KeJi and KhaFra.

 

Me. OLD.

New Hire

I was surfing the net today and stumbled upon Ol’ Thankful here.  I lol’d out loud. It was borderline psychotic.  This new hire is on his way. Brimming with confidence and highly ecstatic from his accomplishment, there is no way he can fall (or fail)…

“The hard work has paid off hasn’t it Mr. Thankful?”

“Oh yes, yes it most certainly has.”

“That’s good. You know your life is going to change now? You are aware of this?

“Oh yes sir. Very aware. And very ready to meet any challenge head-on.”

“That’s a great attitude Thankful. You’re gonna do well here.”

“I want to do whatever I can to show this company that I am here for a reason. And that the color of my skin isn’t to be belittled.  I have worked ver…”

“Wait wait wait wait wait. What the hell are you talking about? The color of your skin? Why would you say something like that?

“Well sir, I feel I might have to face a few bumps being that I am an African-American.”

“You’re a what? Wait, you’re not…..you’re a what?

…..

What happens to Mr. Thankful?

Strangers On An Aeroplane

Where do I begin?

….Imagine getting up at 5 in the a.m. And imagine that you are doing so because you have a flight to catch. You get your boardin’ pass, you strip, get searched, have the dogs called in on you, get searched one-mo-gin, and then in a flash,you arrive at your gate. Now you are just watching those seconds roll on by before you hop on this aeroplane…and before you know it, you are in seat 9c (aisle please), ….(you were asked to move because at first you were sitting in someone else’s seat 9B)…

(Here comes the pain)

1. The stewardess has informed the passengers that the plane is “overweight”. Has this ever happened before? To anybody? Ever? Four of your fellow passengers have to leave the plane. In exchange they do receive a $400 voucher, but please…it’s annoying. {ATTENTION AIRLINES –ATTENTION AIRLINES:Stop over-booking flights. The words ‘sold’ and ‘out ‘(together and in that order) make perfect sense in this situation. When you run out of seats–game over. Stop selling seats that you don’t have to sell} (Dass it)
2. But dass not really it….after being in the air for about 45 minutes, the captain informs the passengers that one of the planes’ “generators” stopped working. (Are you imagining all of this?) How terrifying…So now the plane is en route to a lil place called Pittsburgh. Landed it. That’s right. The plane landed in Pittsburgh.
3. Some airline dousche then informs the passengers that they are to be deplaned, sent up to the terminal, and rebooked. This has “I am not getting out of Pittsburgh tonight, am I?” written all over it. The rebooking process is a nightmare. You end up standing in line for almost two hours to find out that another plane will be sent from Cincy (at some point) and that it will be a direct connect home. For your troubles you are to receive a $200 voucher and a $7 meal voucher. This, of course, doesn’t fully satisfy you. Justice has not yet been served son. But…really…dass it. You can’t do anything about it. Just, just take it.
4. You clocked in (-to Pittsburgh) at about 9a.m. (est). This will be the most miserable shift you’ll ever put in. You are overwhelmingly enraged. You want to yell at someone but you can’t. You want to strangle one of the airline dousches–but you can’t—you just can’t. The plane has finally left Cincy (Cincinnati)* and will arrive at a decent enough time to get you home around (let’s say) 3:30p.m. (cst). You clock out (of Pittsburgh) at 1:55p.m. (est).
5. These are your friends now (you know that right?). You have wasted away in the airport of Pittsburgh all day ( oh my goodness). You spent the day together threatening to shoot people and wanting to blow some/anything up, mocking the airline douschebaggery. You’re a family now. It’s almost over and you realize just how much you’re going to miss the new fam.
6. Kansas City. Home. You wait for your cab (gonna be pa-pa-pa-paH-ricccaayy), and as you wait, you see all of the friends hailing their respective cabs, one by one, exiting your life. It was a long, long,long, long, day spent with a gang of pissed off people (whom you will never see again).

But don’t fret, they’ll remember you. And hey, it could have been a lot worse….

Pittsburgh. No thanks.

*I know how to spell it